Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Gym Dandy or Why People I Work Out With Are Lucky I Don't Travel With Weapons

This is a ROTTEN way to come back to Blogland. No promised explanation of my absence (trust me, you'd thank me if you knew), no howdy-doo or by-your-leave or other weird saying that really makes no sense.  All I can say is hello and if I don't just drop a Facebook status update in here that I just posted a few minutes ago, I may never blog again.  So, if there's still anyone out here who's watching for a return from the dead, be encouraged. The zombie awakens.  Here's the post:

Sooooo.....I got up this morning at 6 to head to the gym...Hunter with me. Got to the gym, no lock for my locker in my gym bag. Back home. Walking in to procure lock, face planted into the dirt and a bush while tripping over my own garden hose. Borrowed Hannah's lock. Back to gym.

Pool lanes full. Wait...wait.... Get lane, two people try to get me out of it by getting IN my lane. No go. Two chubby girls stand at the pool windows from the gym side and point and laugh at chubby people in the pool. I am included. I stare at them and send thought bombs for their stretched-too-tight seams to split mid squat.

Guy in my shared lane proceeds to cough repeatedly and spit in the pool. Dear Lord. I am not the person who can handle this sort of thing, Mr. Loogies R Us. At 40 laps (I do 50) old ladies (trust me, the obvious that I could be one of them does not miss me), gather in MY lane for THEIR class which doesn't even start for 15 more minutes. I ponder why this is so as I wouldn't dream of getting on an exercise machine someone was already using. Unless it was one of these old ladies.

Out of pool, shower, head to locker as inconspicuously as possible because I have too little towel for too much acreage. Lock won't open with combo daughter gave me. I try ten times. I reverse said combo. No go. Arm is going to sleep from holding towel and other arm is going to sleep from working the lock. All clothes, keys, etc. are in the locker. I contemplate crying and talk myself out of it - aloud - and I'm overheard by someone who probably thinks I'm nuts - I am. I realize I'm going to have to seriously work on the lock while NOT holding a towel. I must get back into my wet suit as I am unwilling to entertain the other option. I'm also contemplating asking a stranger to go out in to the vast gym calling my son's name to see if he remembers a different combo. It seems best to approach strangers while clothed.

I achieve the near impossible of trying to stuff a wet beach ball into a water balloon and I am back in my suit, before an audience. I try the combo a few more times and, magically, it works. It is a possessed lock and needed me to humiliate myself before it would function. Wish granted.

Upshot: I shaved four minutes off my swim time today.

Personal motto I forgot to recite: Calm down and carry on.

Most pleasurable moment of the day: Lying down on my bed post gym, defeated, only to have my dog reach her front feet out, stretch, and claw the skin off my arm.

It's just how we roll around here. I mean, are there OTHER options?



© Robynn's Ravings - 2013

6 comments:

  1. Oh, Robynn, welcome back! I laughed in commiseration at this one. I stopped swimming laps at my gym because of the rude people I had to share lanes with. But you did it! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Welcome back!

    I'm sorry I had to laugh at your miserable swimming experience.

    ReplyDelete
  3. If I were in this situation, I would hope to recall the phone number of just one friend, whom I would call after asking some kind person if I could borrow their cell phone. I would ask that friend to put on her bathing suit and drive down and join me, just for fun. Good Grief! Robynn, I have a gift for you, from Karla. you will understand when we present it to you!

    Love you, Dear!
    Suzanne

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ohhhh- you are BACK! Funny- brilliant-charming and I want to hug you in the worst/best way!

    I think just taking the plunge and jumping in the deep bloggy end of the pool was the best idea ever!

    Now stay here... please? You are so missed!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Great to see you back Robynn.
    You were highly conspicuous by your absence and we missed you.

    Loved the swimming experience LOL
    Hugs ~ Eddie

    ReplyDelete
  6. I am one happy camper (and I don't camp!)....but I'm a happy camper to see your post here.
    And laughing (sorry...didn't mean to laugh, but it's your fault. You can write!!)...and laughing at your day, nodding my head thinking, "Uhm hmm...yep..." Relating. Always relating to the yucky things that can happen to one in a day.
    But you smiled through it all (didn'tcha?)...and you made me smile for more than one reason. You can write, girl...and you are back!!
    YES!!)
    Looking forward to coming back here and checking in on you.... :))
    Love,
    Jackie

    ReplyDelete